After A While

*pushes the door open to peek through*

Hi guys! Wow, it's been a crazy year full of highs and lows. I struggled a lot this year with motivation, which is why you haven't heard from me in a while. I'm working on getting things going again, trying to be more productive. I came to the conclusion that when I'm sitting around watching a movie or something, I'm not just not doing anything. I'm still *doing* something: nothing.

While it feels good to relax, it should be balanced into your schedule. Especially if you're like me where one lazy day makes it easier and easier for the next day to be lazy, and it gets harder and harder to break the habit of being lazy. At the end of the day, I'm left with the feeling of being unproductive and a little disappointed in myself.

So, will I choose to get up (or sit down at my computer, as the case may be) and do *something*? Or will I choose today to continue to *do* nothing (let's face it, doing nothing is still a choice we make)?

I'm choosing to make better use of my time, to balance it better, and actually get things done.

It's been almost a year, but I wrote a new Inspired Thoughts blog post. I will continue to write them, as well as short inspirational stories for the story blog.

I did get my ministry named this year: Radiant Reflections Productions. The next step is figuring out all the licenses I need and of course, how to get some funding. A little progress was made on the project, though, and that's good for now.

As for my book, unfortunately, not much progress was made there. It will happen, though. Soon. I promise.

Anyways, just wanted to give you all an update for everything that's going on. I'm going to go spend some time with God in prayer and His Word. Hopefully you all will do the same.

I am a child of God

I am a child of God! I don't have to be a slave to the things of this world (Galatians 4:7), but too often, I let the negative things get me down. They control my thoughts and actions. It's like I become a slave to them.

Up until a few weeks ago, I saw this problem as something I just needed to learn to work on, to think more positive thoughts, that the stress and fear were just a matter of mind over matter and I needed to learn how to control them... but a few weeks ago, my pastor preached a sermon on being filled with the Spirit that completely changed my perspective. I asked myself the question, how can I be listening to the Spirit if I'm listening to the fear? Suddenly, I knew I was having trouble getting rid of the stress and fear because I was just trying to get rid of it. But getting rid of it wasn't enough, because all that would do was leave a void that would allow the stress to come back and fill the void whenever the situation presented itself.

No, getting rid of it wasn't enough. I needed to replace it. Instead of letting the stress control my thoughts, decisions, and actions (basically, my life), I needed to let the Holy  Spirit control my life (something I thought I was doing, but not as persistently as I should have been). I needed to let the Spirit produce the joy and peace that I was lacking (well, I wasn't letting it produce any of the spiritual fruits, but joy and peace, to me, are the opposite of stress and fear).

Listening to the Spirit more consistently is definitely a journey. One of the things I discovered on this journey was that I was still having trouble with stress. Sure, I knew how to get rid of it, but I found that if I wasn't constantly filling myself with the Spirit, constantly asking the Spirit to guide every thought, every aspect of my life, then in those moments that I forgot or got carried away with what I was doing, that left room for the stress to creep back in.

I started seeing the stress and fear as a monster, constantly lurking around the corner of my mind, peeking in, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. I became afraid of it.

"Will it leave me alone tonight?"

"Will it let me do this job without worrying later whether I did it right?"

"I know if I do ______, I'm gonna regret it because I'm gonna be worrying about it later."

Suddenly, just the anticipation of fear, worry, and self-doubt was causing stress. Yesterday, I made the decision that this battle is done.

I'm done being afraid of the fear. I'm done letting the thought of fear cause me stress. I'm done running from this. I'm done pushing it aside. I'm done listening to it and then saying, "What am I doing? Spirit, lead me, guide my thoughts..." (I'm still letting the Spirit lead me and guide my thoughts, but what I'm saying is that I'm not even going to give the fear the chance to sneak in).

This battle is done because I'm not going to push the stress/fear aside anymore... I'm going to get rid of it. Well, -I'm- not, but the power of the Holy Spirit is.

Galatians 4:7 tells me that I am no longer a slave, but a child of God. I am no longer a slave. I am no longer a slave... this fear has no right to control me... I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE!! Why? Because I AM A CHILD OF GOD!! My Daddy will protect me, and He will (already has) free me from that stress-induced mindset... all I have to do is trust Him to.