I couldn't sleep tonight; I've been missing my mom a LOT lately. So I decided to write down a little of what I've been feeling.
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I never thought I could miss someone so much. Words cannot express the hurt I feel, the emptiness in my heart grows more and more each day. My heart holds a void now, one that only you could fill.
I loved you more than I ever said. No, not loved as in past tense, but still love as in present tense. I still love you. I should have told you every day. You may have thought me crazy if I did, though, because we just weren’t a family that said it. We were a family that knew it. Still, there were times I wanted to tell you. But I didn’t. But I should have. Now, the regret makes me long for you even more. To tell you over and over again how much I love you.
Now when I pray, I ask God to tell you that I love you. I’m sure you know it. I’m sure you knew it anyway. Still, my heart longs to tell you. I wish I could tell you. I’m sorry I rarely did.
I used to think you’d be here forever. When you got sick, I didn’t show much emotion. Truth is, I don’t think my mind wanted to accept it. I couldn’t comprehend a world without you. I know we talked about it, and my brain knew it, but my heart just wouldn’t accept it. I didn’t want to believe that your time here, our time together, would come to an end.
You were the best mom I could have ever asked for. You did everything a mother should do for her children. Loved, cared for, taught… but you were also a best friend. No, closer than a best friend. You listened to everything without judging. You were a “how was your day” person, so always made me feel liked you valued everything I had to say. You knew when I wanted advice, and you knew when to let me figure something out on my own. I can’t remember one day of my life, ever, that you were not there for me.
And then you were gone. You went to be with Jesus on September 8, 2011. Six and a half months ago. And I miss you so, so much, words could never describe how much I want you to still be here. You left too early, too young.
I love you, mom. Now and forever!
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To everyone that's read this far... give your mom a hug and tell her you love her. You never know when you're last chance will be.
